Emissaries of the Department of Blue Lights

Official dignity tends to increase in inverse ratio
to the importance of the country in which the office is held.

– ALDOUS HUXLEY

The Emissaries of the Department of Blue Lights

by Stanley ‘Mzunguzungu’ Culpepper, Esq.

Make way:
We are The Emissaries of the Department of Blue Lights.

We are important, very important precisely, unreservedly and especially without question because we are very important. 

[Chorus of Sushi Girls]

We got it made
Cavalcade
We got it made
Blue light Brigade

You can tell we are important because we have many blue lights on our cavalcade of fast-moving and conspicuously expensive luxury German cars which, incidentally, are shiny & black – because we are very important people.

Make way:

We have serious and important looking very-dark-glass windows. This has nothing to do with highwaymen with three-corner hats hiding behind handkerchiefs or cowboy bankrobbers hiding their faces behind scarves or convicted felons wearing bags on their heads or hijackers wearing balaclavas or clown masks absolutely not. We, the aforementioned very important people (V.I.P’s) are hidden behind very-dark-glass for important reasons we may not divulge. We are not like the Queen of England or JFK in his stupid opentop, leaders that smile and wave like the Pope or like Christ entering Jerusalem on a donkey. NO INDEED! We are too important for such indecent exposure so to speak.

Behold our cavalcade which, please note (for your safety as much as our own), is thick with thick-necked security agents with dark glasses and guns. And lots of guns mind you, handguns, shotguns and other sorts of guns – for we are very important and guns are an important thing if you’re very important. And after all, before all, a public servant must be protected by thick-necked security agents: brutal-looking men in dark suits with dark glasses and guns and bald shiny heads and the proverbial snor. Protected whoknowswhy and fromwhoknowswhom but possibly perhaps and undoubtedly from the agents (thick-necked agents, brutal-looking men with dark glasses and guns and bald shiny heads and snors, agents of some undefined but quite definitely nefarious power and/or powers seeking the demise of the aforementioned travelling emissaries).

A Brief Sardonic Digression

What is the “security cluster” by the way? Is that the one, in the Cadbury Milk Tray box, that no one likes, the one everyone avoids, the one with nuts all stuck together in a kind of sticky toffee? The one that could choke and kill you if perchance it went down the wrong way?

End of Brief Sardonic Digression

You won’t guess which department we represent. It’s our little secret or big secret depending on your point of view and we’ll keep you guessing and it’s hard to tell isn’t it when all the lights are blue and all the cars are black.

You’ll never guess if it’s Number One or Two or Three of some other number for there are many numbers;  the windows are as dark as a bureaurat’s -or securocrat’s (as the case may be) – professionally tailored suit. (I shan’t say as dark as his or her heart, for only God and the Devil know how dark is the darkness of a man’s heart, and who knows if a blue light may pierce that darkness, andbesideswhich it is not for a man to judge another man’s heart though he may be permitted to judge a man’s cavalcade. Certainly a citizen or taxpayer or dare I say a consumer or even a simple road-user must never judge the heart of the aforementioned bureaucrats and/or securocrats, or so the aforementioned bureaucrats and/or securocrats would have us believe.

Perhaps – or perhaps not- the hidden and ensconced Emissary of The Department of Blue lights is in fact a Minister of The Department of Security or Department of Agriculture, Forestry and Fisheries or Cooperative Governance or Water and Sanitation? The Department of Public Service and Administration? Planning Monitoring and Evaluation? Public Enterprises? or the sanitized public or public forestry and cooperative fisheries or fish monitoring or mongering or the Department of Blue Lights …

OFFICIAL DISPATCH FROM THE OFFICE OF THE DEPT. OF BLUE LIGHTS

Section A Point 1(i) The Public must move aside as we pass by.

Section A Point 1(ii) The Public may gaze respectfully but may not stare with disgust, derision, contempt etc. It is important to remember we are important servants of the Public doing important things, dashing about in cars thick with thick-necked security agents with dark glasses and guns.

Section A Point 1(iii) we the Emissaries of The Department of Blue Lights … are on our way from somewhere important to somewhere important and The Public is to respect the importance of the important things we have to do.

Section A Point 1(iv) Failure to move over may have unintended and/or intended consequences for The Public depending on the degree of compliance with respect to and/or disrespect to Section A Points i-iii above.

We got it made

Cavalcade

We got it made

Blue light Brigade

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